Phone Panic

So there I was laying in bed, watching Game of Thrones, thinking to myself "I ought to text my husband to let him know I'm thinking of him on the off chance he found a power outlet."  Turns out, he did, and he can text back!  YIPPEE!  I had a brilliantly sweet idea to send him a picture of me curled up in bed, you know, that way I can sleep next to him tonight even though he is away.  Apparently my iphone had a different idea which happened to involve a coma.  After the message was sent my phone died!  Would not turn on, would not reset, I plugged it into the wall to see if charging it would help, NO!  The screen didn't even respond to being plugged into the wall!  I PANICKED!  How is my husband to reach me if my phone is dead?  How am I to contact ANYBODY if my phone is dead?  How are the jobs I interviewed for to notify me that I am awesome, and they want to hire me??  I log onto Myverizon to see if I can upgrade, nope.  I remember I have the insurance plan on my phone, but the Verizon store already told me I'd have to pay out of pocket for a new, fully-functional phone, because they no longer honor the old insurance plans.  Nice to know I forked out money for a faulty promise. Whats the next logical step? To look around at prices to replace my broken phone, come to find out, they all start at $300+!  ARE YOU FRAKKING KIDDING ME?  I break down and call the technical support line (on Mitchell's old ATT phone) where I am forced to press too many phone tree buttons, which could not even be counted on my entire neighborhood's appendages.  Finally I am connected to Pedro, who is oddly devoid of an accent for answering support phone lines at this time of night.  "Yes, yes Pedro, I tried to turn on my phone.  Yes I know HOW to turn on my phone.  Of course I tried to reset it, annnnd nothing.  Whats that?  You need to hold the reset keys for thirty seconds or more?  Then don't release the reset buttons until the magical floating apple goes away?  SHIT I THOUGHT IT WAS ONLY TEN, you know, like all the OTHER apple products."  End of story, Pedro fixed my phone with his magical geekness and I now have a working phone, again.  #Panicfornoreasonwhilemakingmyselflooklikeanass